


Can Your Heart Rate Rise a Little

by phoreverphan



Series: Ficmas 2017 [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love, dnp both kinda being assholes, teen!phan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-10 09:17:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12908922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoreverphan/pseuds/phoreverphan
Summary: To Phil, Dan was the most amazing person he would ever meet. Phil wanted them to spend the rest of their lives together. The only problem was, that wasn’t exactly what Dan wanted.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so the first 2 or 3 chapters of this are actually based on my life, which is why it’s written in 1st person (I know a lot of people hate it but it’s hard to write your own POV in 3rd person). The structure is a little unclear, basically because irl this took place over 3 years and it doesn’t exactly translate to a fic.

I met Dan when I was 10, in year 6, because his mum ran an after school program called Hexagonium Math Club that we both attended. We had gone to the same primary school, but this was the first time I had crossed paths with him. I guess I knew his name, but I had never acknowledged him at all. We didn’t become friends then, though, it was the next year, in secondary school, when my friend Claire introduced us properly and we became friends. I continued attending Math Club, and, because Dan’s mom ran it, I saw him every week.

 

We weren’t in any of the same classes, but we had lunch together. We didn’t spend time together outside of school and Math Club, but when he finally got a phone we exchanged numbers and texted each other for hours night after night. I began to develop a crush on him. It was a common thing for me, so I didn’t think much of it, but it was hard because we hadn’t known each other for very long.

 

Dan discovered how I felt about him one day after Math Club, when I was waiting for my mum to pick me up. I was talking to my friend Rosie, but there weren’t many other people there, so we went over to see what Dan was doing. He was sitting in the corner drawing a diagram of all the lunch tables, trying to figure out who each girl had a crush on through the process of elimination.

 

“Oh! Phil, who do you have a crush on?” he asked me, grinning.

 

I let out a little sigh and made eye contact with the girl sitting next to me. It was blatantly obvious that I had a crush on Dan, as I hadn’t made any sort of point to hide it, and the fact that he hadn’t realized it was pretty funny. He ignored this gesture in white the same manner he ignored all the other hints, choosing to proceed by going through his list. He started at his lunch table. 

 

“Kieran?” I shook my head, but smiled a little. At least he knew I was gay. That was a start. 

 

“Stephen?”

 

“No, but he’s cute.” Not as cute as Dan, and not gay, but if he asked me out, I would say yes. 

Dan raised his eyebrow.

 

“Felix?”

 

I snorted. We had a whole thing in year 5. I liked him, then we both liked each other but never actually spent time together, and then he liked me but I had gotten over him. It was very dramatic. It’s been 2 years now, and we haven’t had a conversation since.

 

“Oooh! Does that mean you LIKE him?” Dan asked, full on wiggling his eyebrows now.

 

I said nothing. Dan moved on.

“Korey? Aidan? Michael? Alright, so it’s not anyone at  _ my _ table,” Dan began, moving on to question me about some of our other classmates. I looked over at Rosie, the two of us bursting into laughter at the way he skipped over himself.

 

“Oh, so you like Erik??” Dan stopped at the boy he was on, thinking we were laughing because I liked him.

 

"Um, no."

 

"Then why are you laughing?”

 

I shook my head dismissively, and Dan continued. He got through the rest of his list relatively quickly, and finally gave in, deciding to simply ask me the answer to his question. Kind of. "So, if it's not anyone else, it must be Felix! There's no other reason you laughed like that when I said his name," he reasoned. I made a disgusted face, hinting towards the idea that ever liking Felix had been a mistake.

 

He wasn't going to give up this time, though, asking, "Well, then who  _ do _ you like?" I shook my head in disbelief. For such a smart person, he was really quite ignorant about how I felt about him. I followed him everywhere. He should have realized. "You!" I finally said, bursting into laughter. I had told him that I liked him. I don't tell people secrets very often, but this is one of those things that never really bothered me. I knew that Dan wasn’t straight, and my love life was an open book, so there was really no reason for me to be nervous. There was simply something about confessions that always got my heart racing.

 

“Oh."

 

He was quiet. Why was he so quiet? I still wasn't nervous, just a little concerned. In the back of my mind, I had always had a feeling that Dan liked me back. His hesitation meant that he was processing what I said, but I wasn't sure if it was out of shock or because he was preparing to say something. I waited, and it became clear he was not going to break the silence.

 

"Did you really not know?" I asked, smiling in an attempt to maintain the light mood. "No," Dan said, and I heard a little bit of laughter come through. That was a good sign. It meant we could still be friends. I assumed we would be able to, but you never know. People are assholes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's chapter 2!! This is kinda just more personality stuff, I hope it's fluffy enough to keep you entertained! I promise next chapter SHIT WILL HAPPEN

"You can pick your seats this semester," the instructor said, waving her hand at the class and turning to look over some papers.

I stood up, my eyes sweeping the room before I found Dan. Where was he going to sit? He made his way towards my half of the room, going to pull out a chair at the table next to the one nearest to me.

I walked over as fast as I could, hoping to be able to sit next with Dan. Every seat at his table was full except the one next to him. I was a foot away, one step from sitting next to the boy I had become obsessed with. A girl put her stuff down on the table.

"I literally have my hand on the chair," I said in annoyance, making a face at her that very much said I was being an asshole and there was nothing she could do about it.

"Phil–" I glared at her. "Fine." She grabbed her stuff and walked away and I sat down in my rightful spot next to Dan.

Dan made a face so obnoxious it rivaled the one I had just made at that poor girl. "That was mean," he said, pursing his lips and shaking his head in mock disappointment.

I tried to blow it off, knowing what was coming next. "Whatever."

"Oo, Phil, you have a crush on me."

I sighed. Not this again. “Yeah, you KNOW that.”

Dan giggled, an infuriatingly smug look on his face. He knew he was annoying me. He teased me for liking him a lot, making a lot of jokes about how he wished I wasn’t around. There were so many other things he could have made fun of me for, real, actual insecurities, but the only thing he ever teased me about was the crush I had on him, and despite how much of our conversations were centered around that, not once did he tell me to stop.

Dan and I spent a lot of time together. He started initiating conversations with me, and when I realized we were genuinely friends I stopped following him around so much. I wasn't as desperate. He was someone to fall back on. At 9pm, when I was crying on the floor of my kitchen because I had no purpose in life, he was there, texting me, making me laugh.

He flirted constantly. Always winking, making innuendos at every opportunity, raising his eyebrows whenever anyone said anything to him. At first glance, he was innocent. He never cursed. He was a perfect student. He sucked up to any and all adults, and yet he was so, so far from being innocent.

Once Dan, Claire, and I were standing in the hallway waiting for P.E. to start, and out of the blue, Dan said to Claire, "Phil likes to come to my house and touch my juggling balls," and then winked at me, and then winked at Claire. He was like this all the time, and it was hilarious and infuriating and we all loved every second of it.

Eventually, Dan decided it was safe to hang out with me outside of school. I don't know if he thought I didn't like him anymore, or if he was just safe in the knowledge that I knew that he didn't like me. It started the summer before year 9. There was a neighborhood pool we were all members of, and after-school Dan and I would meet there. It wasn't a private thing because nearly everyone else from our school had the same idea, but the thing that changed was the fact that the only person he was inviting was me.

Although he knew other people would be there, he was only ensuring one of his friends would be around. And that friend was me. It was the kind of thing that he did subconsciously that made a big difference to me.

Later in the summer, my family went on holiday to Hawaii. Dan and I texted a lot around that time, and he even asked me to text him when my plane landed, something I never thought he would do. He wanted to talk to me as soon as possible. Again, it was something he did without thinking that made me smile far more than was necessary.

When I got home from Hawaii we went to circus summer camp together. I reminded him of the juggling ball conversation. He refuted its existence. Being in the same age group, we saw a lot of each other, and a nickname he had given me a while back resurfaced. Near Christmas, Dan had been giving out stupid names to everyone, taking one syllable of their name and saying it twice. He had been Dada, a name he insisted didn’t mean Daddy, and had called me Fifi, (because Philphil was too obvious) for a couple weeks, but eventually forgot about it.

It came up again when a girl in circus was actually named Fifi, and due to our similar hair and eye color, a teacher kept mixing us up. Dan started calling me Fifi again, yet another thing he did naturally that freaked me out.

Sometimes when he was flirting it was because he was trying to, but most of the time when he was actually being cute, it was by accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thx for reading, I hope you enjoyed! next chapter coming in 8 days (dec 19)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ok things are finally happening! sorry there’s so much texting happening, it was the best way to convey what I wanted, especially since most of that conversation is real (you know, except the part where they get together bc irl he said he didn’t like me (i didn’t ask) and that he wouldn’t tell me if he did)

Things seemed to be going well for us. We saw less of each other over the summer, because we were both busy, but I knew we were going to see each other when school began again, so I wasn't too worried.

We were friends. There was no doubt about it now. It had been certain for a long time, but things were different now. He didn't tease me about liking him anymore. He didn't hit me as much. He didn't ignore me. Our relationship was so much more balanced than it used to be, and that made me happy. Except that was just the picture in my head.

I knew pretty much everything about him, due to the amount of time we had spent together over the last two years and my memory. I had even memorized his phone number, something I tried to convince him wasn't creepy. It wasn't on purpose, but I had texted him so much those first few months and seen his number at the bottom of my screen so many times that it had become ingrained in my memory.

Dan didn't know nearly as much about me as I knew about him. Or so he said. As much as he had warmed to me, he didn't like to admit that he cared about me, or even that we were friends. If asked if he was my friend, Dan would simply smirk and say "Maybe." It was funny at first, but it grew to be upsetting after a while.

When we were first becoming friends, back in year 6, I would text him when I was lying on the floor, having an existential crisis, and he would comfort me, telling me that he was my friend and I had nothing to worry about.

Now, I wouldn’t do that. It’s not that he’d be mean to me, but he would kind of shake his head, indirectly telling me that everything was fine and I was overreacting. Nowadays, he would laugh at my misfortune, and when I told him he was making me feel worse, he’d tell me that if I wasn’t crying, it didn’t matter. And then he would tell me that I cried too much.

Dan was great, and he made me really happy a lot of the time, but he didn't really care about other people's feelings. He argued instead of apologizing, justifying his mistakes instead of owning up to them.

The kind of person people on tumblr would say to stay away from. But he was so nice the rest of the time, and he was beginning to stop doing that kind of thing. It turned out the less I saw of Dan, the nicer he was.

When school started up again, and we were going into year 9, I was excited to see Dan. After that first month and a half when he invited me to the pool all the time and we went to summer camp together, we didn't see much of each other.

On the first day of school, he was there, and he was being nice.

"Hey, Phil! What's up?"

"Oh, hi! For some reason this doesn't seem real. Like, how can we already be in year 9?"

"I know, right? Life is so short. We’re all gonna die soon."

I laughed, and Dan walked away to talk to someone else. I pretended not to be disappointed. Even now, when I had been hanging out with him for two whole years, I wanted to be with him at every possible moment.

I was distracted from my moping by the bell, signaling that we had to line up for the first time that year.

–

The day went by quickly, as every first day did. Soon it was 10pm, and out of sheer boredom, I was texting Dan.

Dan: Hi

Phil: Hi

Dan: You reply so fast

Phil: ya

Dan: it’s almost as if you like me

Phil: whoa who knew

Dan: for that worksheet, what did you put for your fears?

Phil: that I’m not good enough and I don’t have a personality

Phil: you know, all the fun stuff

Dan: Oh. mine are dinosaurs

Phil: yeah ok

Dan: what time do you go to bed

Phil: like 1 why?

Dan: idk I have nothing to talk about

Phil: Lol okay you can complain about your problems as I’ve already spilled all of mine

Dan: um let’s talk about secrets

Phil: you already know mine :(

Dan: wait how bout you can ask questions

Phil: k do you think you’re better than everyone else

Dan: no. I just act that way. I get nervous that I’m not good enough a lot

Phil: you said your only fear was dinosaurs

Dan: next question

Phil: are you sure you’re straight

Dan: 100%

Phil: so why do you make so many jokes about gay sex all the time

Dan: oh actually I meant 100% gay oops haha

I knew what he was doing. He hadn’t made a mistake. He was trying to wind me up. But why?

Phil: WHATTTTT what what why has it taken this long for you to TELL ME???  
Dan: idk. You really wanted me to be gay. Next question

Phil: no wait i need to hear more about this

Dan: idk okay next question

Phil: no hang on it finally makes sense why you make so many gay sex jokes

Phil: like was today’s conversation really the first time you found out what a bj was

Dan: what is that? It’s a store right?

Phil: no a blowjob where have you been are you sure you’re gay

Dan: go to the next question my GOD there is a really obvious one I thought you’d ask by now

Phil: what? I’m not asking if you like me btw

Phil: unless this was all a ploy for me to ask you so you could say yes

Dan: ;)

Phil: what does that mean???

Phil: what is happening???

Phil: omg Dan ANSWER

*1 hour later*

Dan: so you wanna see a movie Friday? You know, as a date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thx for reading! the next (and final) chapter is coming in 8 days (sorry, ik that's annoying) which is Dec 27
> 
> if you wanna follow me on tumblr it's the same as here (phoreverphan)


	4. Chapter 4

I still couldn’t get over it. Dan and I had been dating for about two weeks now, and every time we did anything together, I had a realization that we really were together. I really was dating someone, and that someone happened to be the guy I had been pining after for two whole years. It was a dream come true.

I dropped his backpack on the floor, happy to be home after a particularly boring day at school.

“Phil? Is that you?” my mum called down from her bedroom.

“Yeah?” I yelled back up, unzipping my coat and grabbing a hanger.

“Today’s the only day this week where we have enough time to go buy you a mattress, so get ready to go, okay?”

I sighed. I had forgotten I had to go shopping today. I was hoping to set something up with Dan, but I supposed that since we went to school together, and therefore saw each other almost every day, that I would be fine. And besides, I really needed a new mattress.

It was 11pm. I had gotten back from shopping around 6, then helped my brother with something and gotten distracted, and so I hadn’t checked my phone since 5. Now I was grabbing a snack and checking my phone when I noticed I had 2 text messages from Dan.

My heart started racing. It was ridiculous, but it happened every time Dan texted me. The novelty hadn’t worn off yet, and at the time, I wasn’t sure it ever would.

I took a moment to breathe, trying to calm down, and opened the texts.

The first was just 2 words. We’re done.

Had Dan really just broken up with me? After 2 weeks? It had been Dan who asked me out in the first place! And I hadn’t even done anything! And besides, if Dan had really wanted to break up with me, why had he done it over text? With no explanation. Maybe it had been a joke?

But no. The second message, sent hours after the first, read And don’t pretend like you didn’t see this tomorrow.

This was not a joke. Dan had been being serious, and when I hadn’t answered because I had been busy helping my brother, Dan had thought I had been ignoring him. And now I couldn’t even ask for clarification, because it was 11 o’clock and I knew for a fact that Dan went to bed at 10. But I had to reply. I would just say something that made it obvious I had read it. There wasn’t really anything else to do.

Okay I typed out. I took a deep breath and hit send. I would just have to leave it alone and maybe I would talk to Dan in the morning.

I got to school the next day, making sure to stay away from Dan in the event that he didn’t want to talk to me, instead going over to talk to Rosie. Dan came over. I had thought he would at least wait until we were alone, but I guessed this would be okay.

“Hey, Phil. You’ve seen the new Star Wars movie, right? What was your favorite part?”

What? Why the heck was he still talking to me? He wasn’t angry at me? He didn’t want to talk? Maybe this had been a joke after all.

“Hi Dan. Sorry, can we just talk about what happened? You know, the text you sent me?” I asked, wanting to confirm where our relationship ended and how much of it was left.

I expected Dan to do– well, I don’t know what I expected him to do, but I certainly didn’t expect him to just smile and shrug in that way I used to find endearing. I didn’t think he’d just change the subject and start talking to Rosie as if I wasn’t there. I didn’t expect him to be so nonchalant. Maybe it wasn’t the breakup that was a joke, maybe it was the whole relationship.

Over the next few days, I kept asking Dan what had happened, still trying to figure out where we stood, but it was always the same. He would shrug and smile and walk away. Just like always.

We didn’t go on any dates after that, but he didn’t act weird around me, or at least, he didn’t act any weirder than normal. And even though we didn’t go out one-on-one, if he was hanging out with Rosie or Claire or both of them, he would invite me to come along.

It was strange, the way he seemed to revert back to the way our friendship used to be, and over time, I began to realize that he was like this all along. He played with people’s feelings, and he didn’t really care if he hurt them in the process. Eventually, the school year was over, and he ended up moving away. I never saw him again, and I never found out what he was thinking when he asked me out, over text, and then broke up with me, two weeks later, over text. I guess I’ll never know.

It was a strange romance, some might not even call it that. But it kept me entertained for years, and it meant that the next time I came across someone I wanted to date, I knew what to watch out for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s the end of the fic and of ficmas (merry christmas!) I hope you enjoyed my writing this month, and I hope you continue to enjoy it!
> 
> Even though irl “Dan” and I weren’t dating, he did send me that “We’re done” text for some reason idk why and he did leave it completely unexplained the next day and for forever, also he didn’t move away but basically we’re all gonna go to high school next year and I will probably only see him once or twice ever again so close enough you know? anyways I hope you enjoyed!!


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